


When Extortion Can be a Good Thing

by HexingDegenerate



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: Ancom is nonbinary/trans masc (FtM) for plot reasons, Angsty poly someday, Commie is a fuctioning alcoholic, Homonationlist is in this, I tried to write angst, Libertarian and Ancap are married fight me, M/M, Multi, Nazi had a crush on Ancom/Postleft, Nazi has a crush on commie, Nazi is repressed as hell, This is trash, nazi gold, no clue how to use Ancom's pronouns, please dont read this, so bad its ironically crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-23 08:56:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23008948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HexingDegenerate/pseuds/HexingDegenerate
Summary: What happens when Nazi is conflicted and ancap wants that Nazi gold. I'm bad at summaries. And have no clue where i'm headed with this. Here's all I know: Libertarian and Ancap are couple's goals/husbands who extort people together, Nazi is repressed, Commie is a functioning alcoholic, Commie drinks to forget but he always remembers the gay shit Nazi does, Homonationlist is a gossipy bitch, Hoppean just wants that nazi gold and Ancom/Post left will come back someday
Relationships: Authortarian Unity, Homonationalist/Hoppean, Libright/libertarian, leftist unity - Relationship
Comments: 3
Kudos: 49





	1. Nazi's browser history

**Author's Note:**

> So sometimes you want a fanfic to come true but you cant write. This was my struggle I apologize for any errors and how much of garbage this. Basically I'm sorry, my roommate gave me and idea and had to vomit it out somewhere so heres some garbage.

The extremist house had been rather quiet since it’d just been him and Commie, so Nazi was confused to hear Ancap’s annoying voice in the house. Of course, the degenerate still had a key wasn’t he too busy being a traitor in his perfect little gated Ancapistan. Nazi knew Commie was too drunk still crying over that annoying other degenerate, so he’d have to be the one to see what Ancap wanted.  
“Ancap why are you here? And why did you bring that libertarian?” Nazi sighed trying to hide his annoyance. Most of the time Ancap was around it was always for a degenerate reason  
“Oh, Nazi it’s so good to see you, you’re just the ideology I wanted to see. Oh, don’t mind Libertarian he’s just here to make sure the NAP isn’t violated.” Ancap smirked. “You see the extremist house is still one of my properties and you wouldn’t believe my shock and delight when I got when I got an odd call from my internet provider Dave.” Ancap began to chuckle looking directly at Nazi “Apparently he was concerned to see all the porn consumed in the house in the past was all legal, no teens, just men… and so much degeneracy not of my speed, well I haven’t lived in the house for that long. So, I was wondering Nazi do you have any clue about that.”  
Nazi gulped trying to keep his composer “no clue, you should probably ask Commie he’s been missing that degenerate queer. Maybe he’s been using porn to fill the void Ancom used to fill.” Nazi tried to play dumb if he doesn’t admit to anything Ancap could pin it on shit onto him  
Ancap was now full on laughing “well I thought that too Nazi, but my curiosity was peaked and believe it or not everything viewed in the house in the past month I was able to view thanks to Dave, and the videos came from the same source as a laptop being used for forums and sites all about white nationalism and just advocating for all types of things you’re interested in Nazi.”  
Nazi rolled his eyes trying to hide his guilt, “so what does this have to do with me? You know how on board with sharing Commie is, he could’ve just used my laptop. And doesn’t all this snooping break your precious NAP?”  
“Well it is my house and wifi that’s being used so no.” Ancap tipped down his glasses going back to smirking at Nazi with a look that could kill. “Regardless if it wasn’t you or not it be a shame if this information was overheard by someone like I don’t know Homonationalist? You know he loves to know about all the queer gossip on the compass, but I could offer you a deal to buy my silence.”  
Nazi froze balling up his fist, there was no way he could let anyone else know about his hypocrisy, he’d never hear the end of it, and he doesn’t need more harassment from Homonationalist or any other degenerate. “And how would he ‘accidentally’ overhear you don’t ever seem to leave Ancapistan?”  
“Oh well Nazi ever since you threatened Homonationalist beyond belief he’s been trying to rebound onto Hoppean, he spends a lot of time in Ancapistan recently and I’m sure he’d go insane and pay a pretty penny to hear gossip on the ideology he views as a god. To know what you’re into it’d be a shame.”  
There was a harsh silence and Nazi didn’t want to look at Ancap. That capitalist fuck would do anything to make a profit, when he pulled shit like this Nazi couldn’t believe they were ever on the same side. He could probably kill them but who says they don’t have a stupid nuke pointed at him. He couldn’t let anyone else know what he views in private. He knew he’d be mocked worse than the wackies if his search history was revealed. At least Ancom was gone for good and could hold it over him.  
Nazi sighed defeated “what’s your price Ancap? And it better not be weird like last time.” He shuttered at thought of last time.  
“No no nothing too difficult just some of that Nazi gold you keep hidden in your closet. Libertarian lost to Hoppean in poker and when your married to someone their debts become yours. So I tried to bargain with Hoppean and he said no interest or fees if we could get our hands on some of that gold you hoard.” Ancap laughed. Of course this reason was stupid. And of course those two idiot degenerates were married they’re stupidity was perfect for each other  
“And if I say no?” Nazi looked over to the two degenerate librights. They were gonna try to bleed him dry of one of the few things he held as dear as race purity.  
“Well it’s either you or the gold that comes out of the closet Nazi, seeing as this is my home me and Libertarian plan on stay until you give us your answer. I do hope it doesn’t take that long I’d hate to have to tell Commie why I’m here.” Ancap said with a hint of ice under his voice.  
“Okay just give me some time to think this over.” Nazi looked down trying to contain his anger.

*******************************************************************

Nazi paced back and forth, he knew Ancap would hold this over him for as long as possible, so maybe he should try and come out on his own terms? No that would bring Ancom back if only to laugh quier’s sorry ass off. He couldn’t have that happen. He’d spent so long building up his image to be this ideology against degeneracy. How could he live with himself if everyone knew what he was trying to repress for so long?  
He was getting his own head, not even Julius Evola could help him now. No Nazi had to figure this out on his own. Maybe Ancap was just bluffing? Maybe everything would be fine. Nazi was deep in thought he didn’t notice the functioning alcoholic he still lived with, standing in the door.  
“What are the kulaks doing here? Why didn’t you snap their weak necks?” Commie said even from a distance he smelled like vodka and shame.  
“Oh nothing Commie just trying to extort money for me. For degenerate reasons and I don’t plan on giving it to them, maybe.” Nazi sighed not meeting Commie’s gaze not wanting his to see his shame or stress.  
“What reasons Nazi?” Commie seemed to sober up looking daggers into Nazi inching closer.  
“None of your business. Don’t you a degenerate to cry over?”  
“Nazi you and I both know I drink to forget but I always remember. Don’t make me spell it out for you when we both know what it is.” Commie forced Nazi to look at him.  
Under normal circumstances this would be the point Nazi would trick himself into believing Commie was overpowering him and too drunk to remember this and Commie would play along anything to forget Anarkiddie for even a few moments. But he and Nazi needed to be united front as the only true extremist left to defeat centrists so Commie couldn’t have Nazi laughed off the political compass or running away like a coward.  
Nazi tried to pull away “It doesn’t matter, we’re just allies for centercide, its not like we’re boyfriends or anything.” He lashed out but Commie just pulled closer.  
“Well its useless to work together if you wont trust me, let go of you’re pride or I’ll make you.” Commie looked down at Nazi who was visibly uncomfortable but giving in.  
“Look if I tell you will you just leave and go cry about Ancom?” Nazi muttered; Commie nodded in response. “So Ancap discovered what I watch to help distract my impulses and now wants me to pay him for his silences.”  
Commie laughed a little letting go of Nazi who fell back some, “you’re letting that capitalist pig extort you? You must be weaker than I thought Nazi. Do what you will but like anyone will believe that creep.” With that Commie left leaving Nazi alone with his own thoughts to drown in.

***************************************************************************

Ancap and Libertarian were waiting in extremist house, it was an odd feeling for Ancap to be back in this house that never brought him any joy. But he was here with Libertarian for good reason, so it was all terrible.  
“Say Ancap, I already have gold to give to Hoppean why go completely out of your way to annoy Nazi?” Libertarian asked looking at Ancap sweetly who just laughed.  
“Because Nazi is a coward, who needs to be knocked off his high horse. Last time we spoke he insulted me and this way I don’t have violate the NAP and I win with whatever he picks.” Both librighters sat blissfully checking their successful portfolios while waiting for Nazi to give them an answer.

**************************************************************************

After a few hours Nazi immerged from his room, if anyone caught him crying he’d shoot them where they stood even commie. He approached the two libright ideologies who were sitting in the living room openly showing their degeneracy. Commie was nowhere to be found he’s usually crying drunkenly over photos of Ancom on the couch at this hour.  
“Could you two not show your degeneracy in here, don’t you have a whole community to act like this?” Nazi said visibly annoyed this is not what he wanted to do today.  
“Oh Nazi do you have an answer for me?” Ancap smirked looking up at Nazi unapologetically sprawled on Libertarian.  
Nazi nodded shooting daggers into both of them “I do”


	2. What happens when you can't extort right

Ancap was taken back by Nazi’s answer. “You’re telling me you’d rather be exposed than buy our silence? What’s your angle? It’s just one bar of gold for your reputation. What did the Commie knock some foolish idea in your head?”  
“Maybe but I’m not going to be extorted by you, you’ll just keep blackmailing me like you did with Ancom.” Nazi muttered the last part before realizing what he said.  
“Nazi do tell, how did you know Ancap blackmailed Ancom, it was rather secretive and the subject matter isn’t something qui’d openly talk about. So were you intimate with quem before they defected?” Libertarian smirked having his husband’s back in the goal to get the gold.  
Nazi looked around trying to find some excuse, it’s not like that degenerate Ancom could keep a diary so that lie wouldn’t work. Sure they may have had hate sex every now and then but it was simply to get out frustrations but it wasn’t gay because Ancom was hiding that que was born as a woman. And it’s not like Nazi said anything to scared of Commie at the time.   
“Commie says things drunk, he’d been crying over Ancom one day and the wrong pronouns slipped out, that’s all” Nazi looked away trying to distract from the blush glowing across his face.  
“Oh please you miss quim as much as the Tankie does. You cant lie forever Nazi… atleast not for free.” Ancap shook his head pushing up his glasses. “The truth always comes out.”  
“Like how you two are only married because your child wives used the money you paid them to run away?” Nazi smirked looking at both librights, just because he hated Homonationalist didn’t mean he didn’t hear about certain gossip because of the annoying fascist.  
Ancap got up looking at Nazi shocked like he couldn’t say anything else out of that giant mouth of his. Which would be a first for the anarchist. It shouldn’t scare Nazi yet it did, where was the witty/dumb remark? He surely couldn’t have broken Ancap could he?  
“Well then Nazi if you’re sure of your answer we’ll be on our way but do unblock Homonationalist’s number if you don’t want me to sell him a copy of the house key.” Ancap hummed looking Nazi up and down who was taken aback by the approval.  
“You can still back out just give us the gold Nazi.” Libertain said standing next to Ancap almost in a protective stance.   
Nazi shook his head “no besides evidence or not who will believe you? You two will say anything for a profit, no matter how twisted it would be.” He looked at the two librights one last time before making his wat towards the door, “Oh and please leave before I shoot you both in your worthless heads.” Nazi faked a smile before walking back to his room questioning if he should blow out his brains.

*********************

“Commie what the hell are you doing in my room?” Nazi asked clearly annoyed.  
“I was waiting for you so you wouldn’t cave to the kulaks.” Commie sounded oddly sober the man switched between drunkenly crying and being the pentacle of sobriety all in one breath.   
Nazi just shook his head at the other ideologies why did he care so much? If it wasn’t for the centercide they’d be back t hating each other. “I’m letting the cards fall where they may. And if anyone tries to shit talk me I’ll just have to prove how superior I am to them by shooting them in the fucking heads til their worthless memory is just a thing of the past.” Nazi sighed looking up at Commie, “how drunk are you to be hiding in my closet?”  
“Not drunk enough for you to feel justified Nazi, but I can finish a bottle of vodka in under a minute if it helps?” Commie laughed hiding a small smile for the other authoritarian proud he didn’t give into the whims of the capitalists pigs.   
“Well get drinking so we can each live in our separate delusions for moment, after those degenerates leave.” Nazi stood to the side so the Commie could get through.  
***********************  
Ancap looked at Homonationalist showing him a copy of Nazi’s browser history. He squeezed a lot of money out of the fascist. Which was a win in his book.  
“And this is not fake?” Homonationalist said with a string of glee in his voice. “all of this is real?”  
Ancap smirked nodding, “yes as real as Ancapistan is not a state. I’ll even sell you a key if you want to confront Nazi”   
Homonationalist thought for a moment looking at the history in front of him and then back at the key before shelling out the bare minimum for Ancap “consider this a down payment if I annoy Nazi enough he throws a block of gold at me in hopes of breaking my neck.”  
Ancap handed over the key agreeing to those terms as Homonationalist already way over payed for the dumb key. He just watched Homonationalist go on his marry way regardless of what happened.

*********************

Homonationalist was walking faster than humanly possibly he was determined to see Nazi when he was knocked over by a stupid gray ideology   
“Hey watch it degenerate!” Homonationalist groaned looking up. “Hey aren’t you that Ancom that sexy Nazi always complains about?”   
Post left rolled his eyes “Not anymore idiot I’m Post left. What the hell are you even doing heading this way cause if you have a death wish I can fulfil it.” Post Left smirked holding his bat  
“No way, you’re not who I want to crush me. I have some wonderful information on Nazi” Homonationalist says almost moaning, “maybe you could actually help me.” He smiled more.  
“What no way asshole leave me!” Que growls but his anger falls on deaf ears when Homonationalist scoops up the small anarchist.  
“Too let, you’re so small for an anarchist.” Homonationalist heads back on his way ignoring the threats coming from Post Left as they headed to the extremist house.

*******************

It’d been a few days since Ancap and Libertarian had dropped their bomb on Nazi and nothing had come of it. Just boring strategy meetings with Commie and ignoring Ancap’s annoying calls. Nazi could’ve sworn he believed at this point Ancap was bluffing on exposing Nazi’s search history. That was until Nazi was chilling in the living room playing call of duty when he heard Commie swear loudly in Russian from the kitchen. He was going to let Commie be until he heard a familiar screechy annoying voice: Ancom.  
“Put me down just because you’re gay doesn’t mean I won’t bash your face in.” Ancom screamed causing Nazi to run to the kitchen not believing his own eyes. Ancom was being held off the ground by Homonationalist. It looks like Ancap wasn’t lying about telling that gossipy degenerate about Nazi’s secrets.  
“Anarkiddie?” Commie whispered like he was on the verge of having a weak panic attack.   
“it’s post-left” The anarchist said glaring at Homonationalist “can you put me down?” que grumbles.  
“Not til you promise to not bash my face in and play nice.” Homonationalist smiled looking Nazi’s way “Oh hi Nazi daddy.”  
“I told you I’d put a bullet in your head if you ever called me that again.” Nazi rolled his eyes watching Anc- Postleft try to bite off Homonationalist’s arm. “Put quem down I don’t wanna clean your pathetic blood off the floor.”  
Homonationalist dropped PostLeft onto the ground “Oh I thought you’d change your rules after what Ancap showed me. I just had to run all the way here but I ran into that gremlin on my way here.” He laughed looking predatory at Nazi.  
“Aren’t you Hoppean’s problem now? Whatever you were shown by Ancap won’t change how I feel about you” Nazi retorted, PostLeft looked up confused at the vague conversation.   
“What the fuck is going on? Did Ancap find out me and Nazi used to hate fuck?” Post Left asks cause Nazi to almost choke on air showing no one else knew that.  
“You what with Nazi?” Commie crushed the bottle of vodka in his hand. “No theyre talking about the things Nazi jerks off to!” Commie looks at Post Left like he’d been waiting to see quim for years.  
“Oh shoot me Commie its not like I didn’t do to them anything you didn’t do to me.” Nazi signed sounded apathetic.  
“I wished you’d do things to me.” Homonationalist whined inching closer to Nazi who stared daggers into him.  
Nazi took a deep breath this was nightmare and he didn’t know what to do with this. How to respond to this chaos. All his worse fears were coming true. He was sure Commie was gonna kill him with this new information if he didn’t blow out his brains from being around Homonationalist. “Don’t start with that Homonationalist. Can’t you annoy someone else?” Nazi sighed.  
“Why?” Homonationalist whined looking Nazi, “I’d let you crush me all you want don’t you like having total control?” he pouted ignoring Commies smirk  
“Not last night.” Commie laughed trying to cradle Postleft like quie would run off like a shared animal at any moment.   
“Yeah well we can deal with this later. I have a tween to make feel small during a game.” Nazi laughed. “But you needed to leave and bother someone else.” He said pointing to Homonationalist who just whined as Nazi walked back to his game in hopes of ignoring Homonationalist and Commies rage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO yeah I don't know where i'm going for this. If you like my bad writing give me ideas. But remember this writing is cringe.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read all of this i'm so sorry. I know I no word good so any judgment of my writing is already known.I know I cant pace shit and it's just no good.


End file.
